The Phrases from My Father Which Helped Us when I became a First-Time Father

"I think I was simply just surviving for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey expected to manage the challenges of becoming a dad.

Yet the reality soon proved to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Serious health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her chief support in addition to caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I handled every night time, every nappy change… every stroll. The duty of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After 11 months he burnt out. It was a talk with his parent, on a public seat, that helped him see he needed help.

The direct words "You are not in a healthy space. You need support. What can I do to help you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His story is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now more accustomed to discussing the stress on mums and about PND, less is said about the challenges new fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan thinks his difficulties are symptomatic of a larger reluctance to communicate between men, who still absorb harmful perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and remains standing with each wave."

"It's not a sign of weakness to ask for help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to accept they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - particularly in front of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental state is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the opportunity to take a pause - taking a short trip abroad, outside of the family home, to see things clearly.

He understood he needed to make a change to consider his and his partner's emotions alongside the day-to-day duties of taking care of a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotional life and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen was without consistent male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" bond with his dad, profound emotional pain meant his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions led him to make "poor choices" when in his youth to modify how he felt, turning in substance use as an escape from the hurt.

"You gravitate to behaviours that don't help," he explains. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Advice for Coping as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - when you are overwhelmed, tell a trusted person, your partner or a professional what you're going through. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the activities that allowed you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. This might be going for a run, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - nutritious food, physical activity and if you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is doing.
• Meet other first-time fathers - hearing about their experiences, the messy ones, as well as the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help does not mean you've failed - taking care of yourself is the most effective way you can care for your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having had no contact with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead offer the stability and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the feelings in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they confronted their pain, altered how they express themselves, and learned to manage themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I wrote, on occasion I feel like my purpose is to guide and direct you how to behave, but actually, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are in this journey."